We all go through shit…

by alovecartography

We are so very connected, as neuroscience and psychology are quick to point out, to the Loved ones around us in a very tangible way.  Our very psychic balance and emotional regulation often depend upon the balance and stability of others’ around us.  If our Loved one is upset, so often are we.   If we are fighting with our Loved one, and we sink into despair, chances are they are also in despair.  We have physical symptoms of decreased heart rate, decreased body temperature and weight, decreased oxygen consumption and decreased immunity on a cellular lever. That is why it is so hard to emerge out of the cycle of:

You hurt me and I’m mad

So I’m going to say or do something shitty to you

And you will do the same to me

                     Because

You hurt me and I’m mad

So I’m going to say or do something shitty to you

And you will do the same to me

                Because

You hurt me and I’m mad

So I’m going to say or do something shitty to you

And you will do the same to me

                Because

You hurt me and I’m mad

So I’m going to say or do something shitty to you

And you will do the same to me

                Because

Neither one of us is willing to be brave and humble enough

To be vulnerable or perceived as “wrong”

 and this

Ouch!

How do we navigate this and be individuals who stick up for themselves, and also nurture Love?   It is characteristic of a healthy person in a healthy relationship to have disagreement, but also to be able to pull back on the reins on a runaway disagreement before unforgivable things are spoken.  We are depending upon ourselves to override our reptilian brain which dictates flight or fight.  We require more of ourselves when we decide to move our thoughts from the hind brain to the frontal lobes where we have the most recently evolved part of the brain.  This is the part of our brain which is most uniquely human.  This is where we find the humanity within ourselves to let go of our reptilian reactions and ego in order to create stability in our relationships and our lives.  Fascinating! It takes practice. How do we start to do that? Utilize our minds to create new neuro-passages for new ways of thinking.  How about accepting and Loving ourselves, the hardest of all Love (it seems).  It will spread. Love me, then you.   If I Love me, and I trust you , I can stop the shit cycle, and still be mad, stand up for myself with grace, be heard, listen in return, and re-set.  Remember to put on your own oxygen mask  before assisting others.

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